Rank Privileges
by Mia Cooper
Summary: The Vulcan sense of timing does not work in Tuvok's favour. This is what happens when you read far, far too many J/C PWPs and get a little punchy. [This is utter smart-assery. I'd think Paramount would be far too embarrassed to claim it, but then again, they did make Threshold.]
1. Part One: Ready Room

**Part 1: Ready Room**

Lieutenant Commander Tuvok stood at the tactical station on the bridge. "Captain," he stated, "I am detecting a subspace surge off the starboard bow."

"What kind of surge, Mr Tuvok?" asked the petite redhead in the command chair.

"I am uncertain, Captain. It appears to have an improbability factor of ninety-six point four percent."

"That high?" The dark-eyed first officer turned to face Tuvok. For a moment they engaged in a silent battle of raised eyebrows until Chakotay conceded defeat. "Shields to full, Tuvok," he grumbled.

"Shields are at maximum," obeyed Tuvok. "We are being hailed."

"Hailed?" Janeway stood and placed her hands on her hips, her jaw firming. Watching from the helm, Tom Paris sent a quick private message to the Ops station: _That's the fifth command stance this shift. You owe me two days' replicator rations, Harry!_

"Did you detect a ship, Mr Tuvok?" the captain continued.

"No, Captain. As I said, I detected a surge. It may indicate a cloaked ship in the vicinity."

"On screen, then."

The viewscreen blinked on to show a smiling humanoid female. Her skin was ebony, her eyes green, her hair white and piled atop her head. She wore flowing robes that matched her eyes. At the Ops station, Harry Kim fell instantly in love.

~Welcome, travellers,~ she greeted them. ~I am Phzztlyk of the Klkhztx Alliance.~

Captain Janeway paused momentarily, wondered if she could try to call the alien by her name and, suspecting she would mangle it impossibly, opted instead for her standard greeting. "I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship Voyager. We're on a peaceful mission, trying to reach our home. Is this your region of space?"

~It is indeed,~ Phzztlyk replied. ~I would like to offer you succour on our home planet, twelve light years from here. Will you come?~

Janeway locked eyes with her first officer. A long, meaningful gaze passed between them. Tom Paris sent Harry another message. _Twenty-second telepathic stare._ _OK, Ensign, your bet wins. Consider your rations returned_.

Satisfied that Chakotay agreed with her silent suggestion that they accept Phzztlyk's offer, Janeway turned back to the viewscreen. "We'd be delighted. Thank you for your generosity."

~I will send you the coordinates of our homeworld. Please join us at your leisure. Phzztlyk out.~

The captain stood, a whirlwind of activity in a tiny frame. "Mr Paris, lay in a course when you've received the coordinates. Mr Kim, work with Lieutenant Torres on a list of our trade needs. Mr Chakotay, my ready room. Mr Tuvok, you have the bridge."

There was a chorus of "Aye, Captain"s, and the ready room doors swished closed behind the captain and first officer.

Chakotay leaned on the edge of her desk, watching the sway of her hips as Janeway went to the replicator. "Coffee?" she asked.

"Thank you."

She gave him a coy glance from under her eyelashes. "Can we use your rations?" she wheedled. "I'm out."

"Already? We only got the new allotments last week. How much coffee have you been drinking?"

"I've cut back to only seven jugs a day," she protested. The coffee materialised and she handed Chakotay his cup. Their fingers touched. Electricity jolted between them. Chakotay stifled a moan.

"Damn," said the captain. "Is the replicator still playing up? I told B'Elanna to fix it. It almost gave me electro-convulsive therapy this morning."

Chakotay's shoulders sagged.

"So, Commander," she said brightly, leaning on the desk beside him. "I'd like you to draw up a roster for shore leave. Try to give everyone at least two days off."

"Including a certain overworked captain I could mention?"

"Yes, including her." She smiled at him impishly and he lost himself in her impossibly blue eyes. Suddenly those eyes widened. "Chakotay, look out!"

In his daze he had let his cup tilt in his slackened fingers. Steaming coffee splashed over his hand and she grabbed the cup and set it on the desk, taking his hand between her own. "Oh, you're hurt!" She cast around wildly for something to ease the burn. Finding nothing, she lifted his hand to her mouth and blew gently on it. He found it much harder to suppress his moan this time.

"If only the Doctor hadn't found that dermal regenerator I borrowed from Sickbay," she lamented, cradling his hand to her chest. "I guess I'll just have to do this the old-fashioned way." And she bent her head and licked at the burn on his hand, following up with another breath of cool air.

Chakotay was instantly, unbearably hard. "Kathryn …"

"Yes, Chakotay?" She looked up into his eyes and suddenly realised how close he was. The long-hidden desire was there in his dark eyes for anyone to see. She felt a quivering ache start low in her belly and tried ruthlessly to quell it. But he was leaning toward her, and she couldn't stop looking at his lips. _So this is it_ , she thought dazedly, _after all these years, it's finally going to happen_. She thought briefly about protocols and parameters, and then his lips touched hers and she forgot everything …

~Tuvok to Captain Janeway.~

… including that damned Vulcan and his atrocious sense of timing.

Pulling herself away from Chakotay and breathing hard, she slapped her commbadge viciously. "Yes, Tuvok?"

~I wished to inform you that we have received the coordinates of the Klkhztx homeworld and are proceeding there at warp six.~

She noticed that he pronounced "Klkhztx" perfectly. "Wonderful," she replied, unable to keep the sarcasm from her voice. "Thank you _so_ much for letting me know. And, Mr Tuvok? I'd like to see you in my ready room as soon as the Commander has returned to the bridge. Janeway _out_."

She turned back to Chakotay, who was doing an impressive job of looking simultaneously aroused and depressed. She bit her lip. How she longed to take him in her arms … But duty called, and her coffee was getting cold. "You're needed on the bridge, Commander."

"But, Kathryn –"

"Dismissed."

"Yes, ma'am." He turned dejectedly, passing Tuvok on his way through the ready room doors.

Tuvok stood at attention before the desk. Janeway prowled around him in a predatory circle. "Well, Lieutenant Commander, I suppose I have to thank you."

"For what, Captain?"

"For stopping me from making a very big mistake."

Tuvok observed his captain. Her eyes were glacial, her hair fairly crackling with fury. "If I may say so, Captain, you do not appear grateful."

"I didn't give you permission to speak freely," she snapped. "You're dismissed." She waited until he'd almost reached the doors, then said, "One minute."

He turned. She slinked over to him, far too close, her blue eyes death-staring into his. Despite his emotional control, Tuvok felt the faintest flicker of fear. Janeway reached up to his collar. "You're overdressed," she hissed, pulling the third, black-centred pip from his turtleneck, " _Lieutenant_. I'm reassigning you to Engineering. Report to Lieutenant Torres for your next duty shift."

Tuvok opened his mouth to protest, saw the captain's little hands plant themselves on her hips, thought better of it, and turned smartly on his heel.


	2. Part Two: Jefferies Tube

**Part 2: Jefferies Tube**

Lieutenant Tuvok observed the readouts on his console in the upper level of Engineering. He tapped his commbadge. "Captain," he intoned, "I am detecting a malfunction in the EPS conduits in Jefferies tube 11 beta, Deck 10. Shall I investigate?"

Captain Janeway slumped in her chair with relief; at last, an excuse to get off this bridge! She'd spent almost her entire shift in her ready room. She'd pretended to read some very dull supply reports, broken into Chakotay's replicator account and worked her way through a week's worth of rations in coffee, and penned yet another list of reasons why getting involved with her XO was a bad idea. But when she could no longer avoid staring wistfully at the edge of her desk and touching her lips, thinking about that kiss, she'd had to report to the bridge, where for the past hour she'd been fidgeting uncomfortably next to her silent first officer.

"No, Tuvok," she responded over the comm channel, "stay where you are. I'll go and take a look."

She nodded to Chakotay without meeting his eyes; it had been especially difficult to look at him since her moment of insanity the previous afternoon. "You have the bridge, Commander."

"Aye, Captain," he answered, his gaze following her longingly as she entered the turbolift.

 _I make that Soulful Look #13_ , Tom Paris reported to the Ops station. Harry Kim rolled his eyes and sent back a message of his own. _Can't we talk about something else for a change, Tom_?

 _Sure_ , Paris typed. _I'm taking odds on whether you'll end up heartbroken or dead once we finally get to the Klkhztx planet. What's your bet, Harry_?

 _Shut up, Paris_ , Harry returned, sending the back of the pilot's head a fair imitation of the Janeway Death Glare.

Nine decks down, the captain hauled open an access panel and clambered into Jefferies tube 11 beta. She made her way down the cramped tunnel to the EPS junction and flipped open her tricorder. "Janeway to Tuvok," she said into her commbadge. "There's a failure in one of the plasma regulators in junction 87. I'm going to try realigning it."

She pulled an engineering kit out of the storage compartment and rummaged through it. "Hyperspanner… duotronic probe… damn it, where's the gravitic caliper? Tuvok," she snapped, hitting her commbadge again, "beam me a gravitic caliper right away."

~Transporting it to you now, Captain. Do you require assistance?~

"I think I'm capable of realigning a regulator without you, Lieutenant, thank you."

The caliper materialised beside her and she got to work, wiping the perspiration from her forehead as she concentrated. God, it was warm in this Jefferies tube. Warmer than it should be, surely. She tapped her commbadge. "Janeway to Tuvok. Is there a malfunction in the environmental system in this access tube?"

~The ambient temperature is thirty-four degrees Celsius, Captain. It appears to be a result of the plasma flow build-up in that section. Are you well?~

"Fine," she said shortly. "It's just hot in here. Janeway out."

She took a minute to pull off her jacket and fling it down the tunnel, then pulled off her turtleneck as well, leaving her in her Starfleet-issue tank. If it got any hotter in here she'd be indecent, she reflected as she got back to work.

A few minutes later she heard the access hatch open at the other end of the tunnel. "Who's there?" she called out.

"It's me, Captain," Chakotay answered. "Tuvok reported temperature fluctuations in this Jefferies tube, so I thought I'd bring you some water. Damn, you're right. It's steamy in here."

 _Well, your presence isn't exactly going to cool things down_ , Janeway thought in dismay. She sat back on her heels as Chakotay handed her a bottle of water, gulping it down in relief. Chakotay tried not to watch the movement in her long white throat as she swallowed. "Thanks," she said, handing the bottle back. "Since you're here, mind giving me a hand?"

"I can even give you two," he joked lamely. Janeway tried not to think about his hands and what she'd like him to be doing with them. He pulled off his own jacket and turtleneck and she averted her eyes from his muscular shoulders in the tank.

"Here." She handed Chakotay a phase decompiler. "Realign the secondary plasma flow compensator while I adjust the phase variance in the isodine relay network."

Chakotay stared at her, embarrassed. "Um, Captain? I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you just said."

"Put that long hard thing in here," she snapped. "Wiggle it around a bit. Let me know if you need some lubrication."

"Well, I understood that," muttered Chakotay. He shuffled into place behind her, reaching around her to get to the panel. Their hands bumped as he manoeuvred the tools into place. His chest pressed up against her back and she could feel his breath stirring against the back of her neck.

"Am I doing this right?" he whispered, trying not to bury his face in her hair.

"Your angle is wrong," she said breathlessly. "Move in a bit closer."

Chakotay gulped, but obeyed. "Better?"

"Much," she said unsteadily. "Turn your hand to the left a little… There, that's perfect." Lights popped into life on the panel. Janeway twisted the caliper into the access port. "Almost got it … Just a little more … Damn!" The decompiler had slipped out of Chakotay's hand and fallen between her legs. "Uh," she said, "you're going to have to get that. I can't let this go or we'll dump raw plasma into the power relays."

"Okay," Chakotay whimpered. Leaning even closer into her, he reached blindly between her legs for the decompiler. "Oh God, sorry," he mumbled as his fingers traced up her inner thigh. She was breathing hard by the time he finally closed his hand around the decompiler.

"Put it back in there," she instructed, trying to keep her voice steady, and he complied. She fiddled with her tool for a bit, watched the lights turn green, and sighed with relief. "We're done."

"Done," Chakotay repeated. "Okay. That's good."

"You can move back now," she told him. She took the tool from him and placed it in the engineering kit.

He didn't move back. His hand, now free, was stroking up her arm.

"Chakotay?" The hand had slipped around to her side and was now whispering across her ribs. She turned her head, trying to see his face; no easy task when she was practically immobilised between the control panel and his body. His very warm, very delicious body.

"Yes, Kathryn?" His lips were tracing gently over her cheekbone.

"What are you –"

But she never finished her sentence, because his lips found hers at the exact same moment that his wandering hand cupped her breast, his fingers lightly pinching her nipple. The captain squeaked.

"Kathryn," her XO groaned into her mouth, and started manoeuvring her gently to the floor of the Jefferies tube until she lay half-beneath him on her back, his hand on her breast, her arms gripping him around the neck as they kissed passionately.

~Tuvok to Chakotay.~

The first officer wrenched his lips away from his captain's, and slapped violently at his commbadge. "What?" he barked, as the warm bundle of woman in his arms blushed violently and scrambled to get away from him.

~I am detecting a significant increase in the ambient temperature in your location. Do you need assistance?~

Chakotay muttered something in his native language that made the universal translator blush. "No, thank you, Lieutenant. Everything is just fine." _Was just fine_ , he mentally corrected, watching his captain hastily pulling on her jacket and crawling away from him at speed. _Well, at least the view's nice from here_ , he thought dejectedly.

Outside the Jefferies tube, the captain took a deep breath, ran her fingers through her hair and stomped down one deck to Engineering. "Tuvok," she snarled, upon spying the hapless Vulcan, and marched up to him, ripping off one of his pips and replacing it with a hollow-centred one.

"Captain, I fail to understand why –"

"Not another word," she snapped. "Tomorrow at 0800, you'll report to Lieutenant Mulcahey in the power distribution centre. Dis- _missed_!"

But the captain was the one who turned on her heel and stormed out of Engineering.


	3. Part Three: Holodeck

**Part 3: Holodeck**

Lieutenant Junior Grade Tuvok's attention was caught by a beep from his station in the secondary power processing centre. "Captain," he uttered into his commbadge, "I have detected a slight fluctuation in the holodeck power relays. There may be a malfunction."

"I'm in Holodeck One right now," came the captain's reply. "I'll check it out from here. Janeway out."

As she closed the channel, Da Vinci's studio flickered unnervingly around her and was replaced by an idyllic pastoral scene that looked vaguely familiar. Janeway frowned. "Computer, restore previous program."

~Unable to comply,~ taunted the computer.

"Why not?"

~Parameters must be properly redefined,~ the computer said, confusingly.

The captain tapped her foot. "Computer, this is ridiculous. End this program and activate program Janeway Italian Meatball One. _Now_."

~Insufficient clearance,~ sneered the computer.

"Excuse me?" Janeway put her hands on her hips. "I'm the damn captain, thank you very much. Who apart from me would have sufficient clearance?"

~Voice activation protocols are restricted to Commander Chakotay.~

The captain's eyes narrowed as she scanned her surroundings again. "Computer," she said slowly, "identify this program."

~Program identified as Chakotay Bathtub Monkey Alpha.~

"Oh, hell," muttered the captain.

~Activating transport,~ added the computer helpfully. ~Initiating privacy lockout.~

"What?" demanded Janeway, as she heard the faint whine of the transporter, and turned to face her very confused first officer.

"Huh?" Chakotay blinked. "How did I get here?"

"It seems the computer has developed a matchmaking subroutine," Janeway mumbled, half under her breath. Chakotay opened his mouth to enquire further but was halted by her upraised hand. She tried her commbadge. "Janeway to Tuvok?"

No response; not that she'd expected any. She sighed and turned to Chakotay. "Help me get the damn doors open so we can get out of here. Computer, arch."

Nothing happened.

Chakotay was looking around. "Oh," he said, and then in a different tone, "Oh." Glancing nervously at his captain, he tried to make light of things. "I don't suppose you feel like a boat ride down the river?"

The little redhead snarled. The big tattooed warrior cringed. Janeway growled something that sounded like "I need a goddamned coffee," and stomped off toward the holographic cabin.

Chakotay cast a last wistful glance around and followed her.

By the time he reached the cabin, Janeway was mainlining her second cup of joe and pacing furiously. "What on New Earth were you thinking, Chakotay?" she snapped.

"What do you mean?" he asked defensively, wondering how many replicator rations he'd have to sacrifice in the name of coffee before her mood improved.

"Creating this program! It's … it's ..."

"It's what?" He stepped closer, starting to get annoyed.

"It's inappropriate!"

Chakotay stopped moving and gave her a sad look. "I was happy here, and for a while I thought you were, too. Forgive me for wanting to remember that."

At the look in his eyes, all her anger dissipated and a rush of tender feelings melted in. "Oh, Chakotay." She put down her cup and reached up to place a hand on his chest. "I _was_ happy here."

"Were you, Kathryn?" He covered her hand with his own, moving closer again.

"Well …" She bit her lip and sent him a glance from under her eyelashes. "I could have been happier…"

In a rush their lips met in a scalding kiss. Chakotay's hands were urgent as they pulled her closer, stroking down her back, winding into her hair. She tugged at his uniform jacket until he shrugged it off and went to work on her own. His hands were trembling as he eased off her turtleneck and tank to reveal the pink lace bra underneath. "So beautiful," he said reverently, thanking every god and spirit anyone ever believed in that she didn't go for Starfleet issue underwear.

She blushed under his scrutiny. "I'm glad you think so."

His answer was muffled against her throat. Janeway moaned as his tongue traced a lazy path along the edge of her bra. He moved the lace aside with his teeth and kissed his way to her nipple. "Oh my God," she gasped as he took her nipple between his lips, and then "Don't stop _now_!" as he raised his head.

"Did you hear something?" he whispered.

She was just about to order him to shut up and get back to work when she heard it too: the unmistakable sound of the holodeck doors. "Tuvok," they chorused in horror, and scrambled to get back into their clothes.

"Captain? Commander?" The Vulcan was almost at the cabin door.

"Just a minute," the captain yelled frantically, struggling to pull her turtleneck back over her head. Chakotay helped her into his jacket and tried to shove his arms through the sleeves of hers, just in time to see Tuvok's head appear around the open doorway. Janeway coughed. Chakotay sidled out past the Vulcan, holding his hands awkwardly in front of him.

Tuvok raised an eyebrow and tried not to notice the pheromones in the air. "Excuse me, Captain. When I was unable to reach you on the comm system, I deduced that the holodeck was indeed experiencing a malfunction."

Janeway hardly heard him over the shame roaring in her ears. _I did it again_ , she thought dismally. _What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I keep my hands off my first officer? And will that damn Vulcan ever let us get past first base_?

Straightening, she gave Tuvok a Category Three Death Glare, its effect only diminished by the fact that for some reason her uniform sleeves seemed to have stretched and were dangling past her fingertips. She rolled them up as unobtrusively as possible and stepped intimidatingly toward the Vulcan, stopping just in front of him. "Thank you, _Ensign_ ," she said coldly, ripping the black-centred pip from his collar and marching regally past.

Tuvok's shoulders sagged.

"Oh and by the way, Tuvok," she tossed over her shoulder on her way out of the holodeck, "Mr Neelix is very much looking forward to his new kitchen assistant starting work tomorrow. Bright and early for the breakfast shift, Ensign."

"Yes, Captain," Tuvok said dutifully.


	4. Part Four: Turbolift

**Part 4: Turbolift**

Ensign Tuvok stood over the sink in the galley and scrubbed solicitously at the leola root. Observing a troublesome blue spot on the surface of the tuber, he activated his commbadge. "Captain," he pronounced, "I have detected evidence that Mr Neelix is attempting to poison the crew."

There was an unmistakeable sigh in the captain's voice as she replied. ~Really, Mr Tuvok?~

"Yes, Captain. It would be wise to meet in Sickbay so the Doctor can investigate further."

On the bridge, Kathryn Janeway rolled her smoky-blue eyes at her first officer, who dimpled back at her devotedly.

It had been six days since her moment of weakness on the holodeck. Surely she was over it by now, protocols shored up and parameters in place, and it was safe to be alone with him for a few minutes? She decided it was.

"Care to join me in Sickbay, Commander?" she asked.

"Always," he replied. Janeway turned the bridge over to Tom Paris and she and her XO entered the turbolift, oblivious to the silent message Paris was issuing from his console to a station in Engineering: _Hey B'E, give it thirty seconds and then initiate Operation Elevator Shaft_!

"Deck five," Janeway ordered, and the turbolift began to move. Chakotay stood silently just behind her and to her left, as was his habit. She tried not to think about the warmth radiating from his chest, so close to her back. He tried not to close his eyes as the subtle scent of roses drifting towards him.

The turbolift lurched and ground to a screeching halt.

"Are you freaking kidding me?" the captain howled. "Janeway to Engineering," she snapped into her commbadge, "what the hell's wrong with Turbolift Three?"

~Ah, sorry Captain,~ came Lieutenant Torres's voice. ~The stupid p'taQ has been playing up all morning. I'll get on it right away. Torres out.~

As soon as she was off the commline she sent her beloved a message on his console: _Next time leave me out of your schemes, Helmboy, or I'll rip out your spleen and use it as a Velocity target_!

 _You're sexy when you're threatening me_ , came the immediate reply. B'Elanna growled, frightening several nearby ensigns, and opened a commline to the turbolift. "Captain, I'm sorry, it's going to take a little while to restore power to the 'lift. You might as well make yourselves comfortable."

~Can you give me an estimate, Lieutenant?~ came the exaggeratedly patient reply.

B'Elanna shrugged, wondering how long Tom expected her to keep up with this stupid charade. "Twenty minutes?" she guessed.

A gusty sigh came over the comm. ~Very well, Lieutenant. Keep me advised.~

In the turbolift, the captain slumped against the wall, pouting. "Well, Commander, I guess we're stuck for the time being. Any ideas on how to pass the time?"

"We could play I Spy," suggested Chakotay.

"Funny," she muttered darkly, then shivered. "Is it getting cold in here?"

Chakotay tapped his commbadge. "Chakotay to Engineering?"

~Yes, Big Guy?~ replied Torres.

"Please don't call me that. Are the environmental controls malfunctioning in this turbolift?"

There was a short silence, then B'Elanna replied, ~It would seem so. The temperature has dropped three degrees. I'll put it on my list of random Voyager malfunctions that ruin your chief engineer's day. Torres out.~

She sent Paris another console message. _I suppose the big freeze is your idea as well, Jailbait_?

 _Hey, it worked for me on the Nyrian ship_ , her lover replied.

Inside the turbolift, Janeway wrapped her arms around herself. "Okay, it's seriously frigid in here," she grumbled.

Chakotay sent her a heated look. "I don't see anything frigid."

Kathryn blushed.

The XO saw another shiver run through her and, gathering his courage, stepped closer. "Come on, let me warm you up."

Janeway sent him a Category Two Death Glare, but it bounced off his shields. Chakotay put an arm around her. "Survival protocols, Captain. We need to share body heat."

She hesitated a moment, then rebuked herself silently. _You're not a hormonal teenager, Janeway. Show some restraint_. Sighing, "Well, you know how I feel about ignoring protocols," she stepped into his arms.

 _Oh, damn,_ she thought dimly a few moments later as she found herself pressed up against the wall of the turbolift with her first officer's tongue in her mouth and his hands under her shirt, _so much for restraint_ …

Strong fingers worked at the fastening of her pants, slipped inside her panties, and started doing the most delicious things to extremely sensitive parts of her body. "Oh my God," she gasped, blood roaring in her ears. "Oh God, don't stop …"

The fingers disobeyed orders, slowing their movement. "Did you hear that?" whispered the fingers' owner in her ear.

There was a bump and a scraping sound above them, and then a pair of eyebrows and pointed ears appeared through the access hatch in the turbolift's roof. "Captain, Commander," said a neutral Vulcan voice.

" _Nooooo_ ," Janeway screamed.

Chakotay tried unobtrusively to remove his hands from her pants. He cleared his throat. "Report, Tuvok?"

The Vulcan regarded them dispassionately. "I was monitoring the turbolift's status from Sickbay and noted that it was stalled. I am here to effect your rescue."

The captain slumped against the wall.

"However," the Vulcan continued, "if you would prefer to remain unliberated, I will return to the mess hall."

"No, Tuvok," sighed the captain, straightening. "Help me out of here."

Chakotay linked his hands and held them out for her to step on, and Tuvok leaned down to pull the captain out through the access hatch. Chakotay leapt and scrambled out behind her and started climbing the ladder down to the nearest exit point. Tuvok made to follow him, but Janeway stopped him with a hand on his chest. Resigned, Tuvok bent so she could strip the last pip from his collar.

She patted his chest almost regretfully. "Let's get to Sickbay and investigate your allegations against Mr Neelix. And when we've finished, you'll report to Ship Maintenance under Ensign Mannus. I believe the outer hull is in need of a good scrub."

The captain placed her dainty foot on the first rung of the ladder, then turned to add, "Don't forget your toothbrush, Crewman."


	5. Part Five: Shore Leave

**Part 5: Shore Leave**

Crewman Tuvok carefully observed the segment of hull he was degaussing with his toothbrush and tapped his commbadge, reflecting irrelevantly on how cumbersome the action was in his EVA suit. "Captain," he Vulcaned, "I am detecting a build-up of ridiculogenic particles on the primary hull."

There was a twelve second delay before the Captain responded, sounding slightly breathless. ~Tuvok? I'm on shore leave. Didn't I tell you only to contact me in case of dire emergency?~

"Yes, Captain. I am following that directive. The likelihood of this phenomenon occurring is approximately point zero eight three percent. I suspect the Klkhztx are attempting to sabotage Voyager."

He heard a scuffling sound, tense whispering and a sigh from the other end of the comm line, and finally Janeway responded, her voice dripping with exaggerated patience. ~Very well, Crewman. Meet me in my ready room in fifteen minutes.~

"Understood," answered Tuvok, wondering how in the fires of Vulcan he was supposed to spacewalk his way over to the hatch, remove his environmental suit, change into his uniform and report to the ready room in fourteen minutes and fifty-nine seconds.

~And, Tuvok?~

"Yes, Captain?"

~This had better be good.~

Down on the planet, Captain Janeway batted her first officer's hands away as she tried to refasten her bra. "You're not helping, Chakotay," she hissed.

 _How on earth does this keep happening_? she wondered dismally. She'd invited Chakotay to her room for a simple, friendly dinner, she'd passed him a glass of wine and the next thing she knew, she was in his lap on the couch, grinding against him with his hands wandering over her body. Janeway shook her head violently.

Chakotay sighed and sat back on the couch. Things had been going so well – he'd almost got his captain's clothes off this time. "It's like that damn Vulcan is telepathic," he grumbled.

His would-be lover sent him an incredulous look. _It's a good thing I don't keep him around for his brains_ , she thought. She stood, pulling on her jacket, and faced him. "Commander, this can't continue. As captain, I can't have an intimate relationship with a member of my crew."

Chakotay leapt to his feet. "Damn it, Kathryn! Stop toying with me!" In two long strides he was in front of her, gripping her arms. "I love you, and your precious protocols are never going to change that," he said forcefully, and kissed her.

 _Oh, my_ , she thought as she succumbed to his kiss. _There's my Angry Warrior. I do so like it when he comes out to play_.

But with a supreme effort, she wrenched away. "We can't do this, Chakotay! I'm sorry. I don't know what's been wrong with me lately. Ever since we encountered the Klkhztx …" She broke off, eyes widening. "Oh my God, that's it! I've been under an alien influence! I bet they've been pumping up my hormone levels or something!"

Her first officer stared at her. "Yes, that must be it. Alien hormone spores. It can't be anything to do with you being in love with me."

"I'm not –" she started, then looked away. _I can't deny it_ , she thought sadly. _But this can't happen again, not while we're in the Delta quadrant. I'll just have to sublimate my sexual desires until we get home. Maybe more coffee will help_.

Looking at him, she mentally revised that. _A lot more coffee_.

"I have to go," she mumbled, and tapped her commbadge. "Janeway to Voyager. Beam me up."

The last thing she saw as she dematerialised was Chakotay reaching out as if to touch her again, his face a mask of pain. _And it's all my fault_ , she reflected miserably. She'd heard blue balls could be agonising.

"Report, Crewman," she said briskly when she was seated behind her ready room desk, Tuvok standing before her.

"I have analysed the particles and determined that they began accumulating on the hull shortly after we encountered the Klkhztx scout vessel," he replied.

Janeway briefly wondered how he'd found time to do that, but brushed it off as Vulcan efficiency.

Tuvok went on, "The ridiculogenic particles are having a destabilising effect on hull integrity. Should they continue to accrue, we will be at risk of a major hull breach. I no longer believe this is an act of sabotage. However, under the circumstances I recommend cutting short our association with the Klkhztx."

"Anything else?" Janeway asked hopefully.

"I am uncertain what you mean, Captain."

"I mean are they having any other effects? On the crew, perhaps? Could they be interfering with our…" She paused, trying to phrase it delicately. "Our emotional equilibrium?"

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "I have not detected any such effects. I could investigate further."

"Please do." Janeway got up and went to the replicator for another coffee.

"May I enquire as to the motivation behind your request?"

The captain sighed. "It's just a feeling, Tuvok. I've been a little … out of control lately."

"If you are referring to your heavy petting episodes with the Commander, allow me to address your concerns. You have been in love with him for several years now. It is clear that he returns those feelings. Your physical desire for each other has nothing to do with any outside influence."

Janeway went white, then red, then white again. "Tuvok!"

"I apologise for intruding on your personal life, Captain. However, the entire crew is aware of your feelings for each other and have no objection to your pursuing them. Nor do I object. In fact, nor does Starfleet Command. I requested their advice on this matter in the last communication with Earth."

Janeway gripped the back of her chair. "And what did they say?"

"Their exact response was: 'Advise Captain Janeway that she is not a nun and that under Voyager's unique circumstances, standard fraternisation protocols cannot be expected to apply'."

The captain's eyes filled with tears. "They said that? Really?"

"Vulcans do not lie, Captain." _Unless it serves logic to do so_ , he added privately.

Janeway swallowed hard. Somewhat shakily, she said, "Continue your analysis of the hull particles, Mr Tuvok. I'm returning to the planet's surface. Please contact me when you have an update."

Tuvok nodded. "I will do as you ask, Captain. You may expect my report in …" he paused, running some mental calculations that had nothing to do with particle analysis and everything to do with human mating rituals, "approximately four hours."

 _Plenty of time_ , Janeway thought gleefully. _At least, for starters_ …

Several minutes later, she rematerialised in the living area of the little beachside cabin she'd reserved on the Klkhztx homeworld. Her XO was still sitting on the couch, head in hands.

"Chakotay," she said softly.

He looked up.

She smiled.

"Kathryn?" he asked hopefully.

She held out her hand and he stood to take it.

"Parameters be damned," she said, and leapt into his arms.

Six hours later, a very sated captain turned to smile at the Vulcan entering the bridge.

"Welcome home, Tuvok." She indicated the tactical console. "Take your station. We'll be leaving orbit shortly."

Tuvok noticed a small box on his console. He opened it. Inside were two solid pips and one hollow. He reaffixed them to his collar.

"Thank you, Captain," he said emphatically. Janeway smiled again and turned to face front.

Lieutenant Commander Tuvok allowed himself a brief and extremely un-Vulcan reflection that he liked his captain much better when she was sexually satisfied.

He fervently hoped that Commander Chakotay was up to the task of keeping her that way for the next few decades.


End file.
